August 30, 2012 § Leave a comment
Was in the middle of KL today. That stifling heat. The sky was moody. I stood in that meted silence. Welcome to that reality.
The need to express yourself often births art. And the product will always be a part of the you that you expressed.
I’m feeling that now. What people say, what people think; what I hear; what I digest, are all delivered in a form which needs to be expressed differently. And then, there comes the next question of creative form: What creative methods can we use to deliver this expression? What says it best?
Art is appreciated and understood differently, by everyone.
But ultimately, if all the desire is for us to express ourselves, then everyone should understand where art comes from.
From the heart.
August 21, 2012 § 1 Comment
I think I’m at a stage of my life where the term ‘friendship’ is wearing thinner and thinner on the edge. I used to put friendship as the core-most important of my human relationships.. but little by little, it’s been hacked at, cracked, broken away, pinched off, washed away’ simply bitten off.. I don’t know. It’s a long list. Friendship has been the sole secure relationship I had with anybody because of known reasons. And whatever the stakes, I’ve always chosen to increase the bet.
But memories fade, people walk away and never come back; the ones who are here are just watchers of the great event, failing in every regard to be there on that track, substantially being there. And I’ve grown tired of waiting for that friendly face to appear out of nowhere, to greet me again. I’ve grown accustomed to not seeing anybody, and trying not to feel it – because these people defined the relationship by some other name, and I could never quite get at it. And I was tired of waiting for people to be ready. The truth is, they never will be, unless God intended them to be, for the season.
So, I’m writing this with a lot of regret in my heavy heart, for the things that could be but never were, and the things that will be in God’s timing for me, I will pray for and look to. But in the meantime, people are having their own problems everywhere, and nobody bothers to enlighten me.
Even if I wanted to be a part of your life, I’d have to ask permission. That’s true with everyone, innit?
So, does love necessarily cover every eventuality, even the unseen and un-understood ones?
The truth is, we could just be a little frank, and a little on the same plane, and even if there were other things that piled rubble on top of it later, it could still hold.
But the Titanic was a ship that sank mightily.
Everything that lasts must be built properly. Even love – comes in different ways, in different degrees; at different stages. I’m writing this from my heart.. because love involves a wisdom that cannot be seen – but it forms the very blueprint of every relationship as much as love itself does.
I’d love to present a beautiful picture of love to you, but the truth is, love has made me weary at times, distrusting at other times, and most of the time, just empty. For today, the elements of love I just need are communication, honesty and trust.
Simple words, but difficult demonstrations.
I’d rather just bury my head in the sand.
August 21, 2012 § Leave a comment
“It doesn’t really matter whether people love us or not, as long as God does. Is that true?”
But ‘love’ is what God meant for mankind to express. It’s true that God loves us, but the revelation of that love is not through heaven on its own.. but through the people of God.
“But what is love? Can you see it? Touch it? Smell it? Taste it? Feel it?”
Yes, it is expressed in action, and felt in all these ways. But love is a choice for some, limited by others, and for a very select few, it is given freely, without question, and unfailingly.
“Who are these select few? Wouldn’t it be nice to meet them?”
Very. But then, one would also be tempted to follow their way of life.
“It is too difficult!”
Not by God’s grace., they say.
“It’s like paying a debt that never ends! You pay me, I pay you, and nobody’s account is ever closed!”
“Then it matters that people love us?”
Yes it does. But it matters more that you love people, as God loved us. Whether people love us or not is not a choice we can make for them. But we ourselves can demonstrate love toward them.
“Ah. I don’t really know how to love.”
You’ll learn. It starts from your heart. Are you willing?
“Here I am!”
August 20, 2012 § Leave a comment
Writing a cee-vee. It is most interestingly annoying to write.
August 18, 2012 § Leave a comment
We went to have a look at some guitars last week, a friend and I. He, John, is my cell group member who will be soon to fly off to the United Kingdom to finish reading law there. The day had been sort of hot, but sweetened down to a mushy grey evening.
There’s something about the potential of a music instrument that makes my heart sing. And John tuned the guitars that were within my budget; all the while listening to it softly.
Perhaps, you could say that music is close to my heart – as close as it is to my ear. I grew up with a mixed ragbag of harmonies and melodies – nobody sang at home, but I listened to mushy ballads, old 80’s disco pop; the sounds of the millenium rushing in later to put me off radio for a while; but I believe that full-circle, when I hit London town, the music of a different area called me back home, and I was caught between sitting on the tunes I had known growing up; and exploring various new genres my friends tried educating me about, in between discovering these in the depths of what London’s culture speaks about.. and sings about, depending on the scene.
So, as I imagine myself sitting in the sidewalk today, contemplating a tune, I would just want it to say something like: “What a beautiful day! How beautiful..”
Something simple, but true.
August 18, 2012 § Leave a comment
Haven’t got any feelings sometimes. Or maybe, they’re too many to describe. I once asked a friend if she was on Twitter. She shook her head; no. I stared for a little while not out of shock or despair… because just then, I felt a sadness hit me: so many people want, or need a voice these days. So many people say meaningless things that don’t hit home; but those people that matter to us often don’t matter to people who don’t know them. Of course, it’s the difference between large scale and small scale, and that ultimately, we all make an impact – but I felt sad that, minus one factor, I would not know how special a person she is, and grateful with a weight that mattered – to God who put her in my life. Even if it was just for a season; but I believe He has greater plans still.
People matter. Connection matters. Ultimately, we all have a story to tell – to all who will listen. But what we need to realise today is that – we need each other to be part of each of our stories. There’s no meaning to a story with only one character in it. Each of our lives is the result of someone putting in their lot to our pile and saying: Here am I! I want a part of this person’s life. Even if it means that I have to give up a bit of mine. I’ll give it! And I’ll give it willingly.
That’s what makes our life stories meaningful. The knowledge that we have each other, and that we put in our lots into each other’s piles, so that our stories are all, ultimately, interconnected.
And that God takes pleasure in this.
August 13, 2012 § Leave a comment
Had some shopaholic moments today. Despite not buying anything myself, it was fun watching the girls try on different things – wedges, blue jeans, hats, tops, random pieces of hand jewellery and all sorts of things that decorate a well-dressed girl.. Watched the city’s bright lights glittering in the night sky; sat in the passenger seat as we drove past the dodgiest parts of Kuala Lumpur as she is ancient and colourful; ate a late dinner after us getting a new table set up for us by the roadside, coz it was cooler.
The skies are blue in the morning sun. And when it shines, it is blinding; nothing else be seen beside it. And yet the blinding light traps us in a fascination of staring at it harder. We’re all human, and one must admit that – the light fascinates us.
I’m happy today. God is so good. Praise His holy name!