put on trial
August 21, 2012 § 1 Comment
I think I’m at a stage of my life where the term ‘friendship’ is wearing thinner and thinner on the edge. I used to put friendship as the core-most important of my human relationships.. but little by little, it’s been hacked at, cracked, broken away, pinched off, washed away’ simply bitten off.. I don’t know. It’s a long list. Friendship has been the sole secure relationship I had with anybody because of known reasons. And whatever the stakes, I’ve always chosen to increase the bet.
But memories fade, people walk away and never come back; the ones who are here are just watchers of the great event, failing in every regard to be there on that track, substantially being there. And I’ve grown tired of waiting for that friendly face to appear out of nowhere, to greet me again. I’ve grown accustomed to not seeing anybody, and trying not to feel it – because these people defined the relationship by some other name, and I could never quite get at it. And I was tired of waiting for people to be ready. The truth is, they never will be, unless God intended them to be, for the season.
So, I’m writing this with a lot of regret in my heavy heart, for the things that could be but never were, and the things that will be in God’s timing for me, I will pray for and look to. But in the meantime, people are having their own problems everywhere, and nobody bothers to enlighten me.
Even if I wanted to be a part of your life, I’d have to ask permission. That’s true with everyone, innit?
So, does love necessarily cover every eventuality, even the unseen and un-understood ones?
The truth is, we could just be a little frank, and a little on the same plane, and even if there were other things that piled rubble on top of it later, it could still hold.
But the Titanic was a ship that sank mightily.
Everything that lasts must be built properly. Even love – comes in different ways, in different degrees; at different stages. I’m writing this from my heart.. because love involves a wisdom that cannot be seen – but it forms the very blueprint of every relationship as much as love itself does.
I’d love to present a beautiful picture of love to you, but the truth is, love has made me weary at times, distrusting at other times, and most of the time, just empty. For today, the elements of love I just need are communication, honesty and trust.
Simple words, but difficult demonstrations.
I’d rather just bury my head in the sand.