Suspicious Minds

February 26, 2013 § Leave a comment

Ever since as far back as I can remember, I’ve appreciated creative art. It’s a way of releasing all that energy inside of one person without being aggressive. I learnt to appreciate artistic films that explored themes that were strange, or viewed from a strange angle, or simply seen in a way that was slightly disturbing to someone on the outside. Over time, I learnt that having problems, and admitting that, isn’t the worst thing in life.The worst thing is when you can’t be honest with and to yourself about them.


After a while, you realise that it isn’t important anymore how people see you, the way they want to. They’ll never see you as who you really are until you can be who you really are, in front of them. And if they still don’t choose to see that, it isn’t your problem. And you can only be who you really are when you’ve come to terms with yourself, warts and all, seeing yourself objectively. True, you might have problems, and people might have identified those two things as the same thing: You. But you know you’re not those problems. You just happen to be the one to have to deal with them, since you can’t pass them on.


Art, in a sense, helps us to see the very things other people are supposed to help us see about ourselves, but they don’t want to come close enough, or can’t, or maybe, can’t see, because they simply don’t understand. In the process, others  are helped to see the very things we ourselves need to see. A large screen – a motion picture. 


Suddenly, I’m no longer just someone with problems – I’m someone who needs a different way to see.


February 23, 2013 § Leave a comment

Stuff White People Like

moleskine_pocket_plain_notebookSince all white people consider themselves to be “creative,” they are constantly in need of products and accessories that will allow them to capture their thoughts.  One of the more popular  products in recent years has been the Moleskine notebook.

This particular type of notebook is very expensive and was quite popular with writers and artists in the olden days.  Needless to say, these are two properties that are highly coveted in the white community.   In fact, it’s a good rule of thumb to know that white people like anything that old writers and artists liked:  typewriters, journals, suicide, heroin, and trains are just a few examples.

Much like virtually everything else that white people like, these notebooks are considerably more expensive yet provide no additional functionality over regular notebooks that cost a dollar.  Thankfully, since white people only keep their most original and creative ideas in the Moleskine, many…

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February 20, 2013 § Leave a comment

I watched ‘The Words’ yesterday, which has Bradley Cooper and Jeremy Irons, and those ‘words’ spoke to me in a rather deep way. I suppose all of life does, because it is so real, so true and so undeniable. The story also spoke to me as a writer, because in spite of watching a lot of shows featuring a struggling writer, they are all different in mood, personality and demeanour, and it’s always helped me somewhat to see from their angles what really drives them to fight for this right to write, in spite of their often poor, or dry, economic circumstances. 


I suppose films are a way to make me think this beginning of the year, as I’m waiting for replies to come forth for my job applications.The days go by, and I analyse the films I watch not for the sake of sheer entertainment, but for art, and expression, and communication, and beauty – which is not always in the eye of the beholder. And then I think about what it’s saying to me, and I wonder if there is a part of me in a part of that which i can somehow relate to  – connect, in a way human beings only can through the powerful medium of the heart. 

But tonight, I feel like an indie film, and I’ve run out of things to fall back on. That’s when new terrains must be conquered, methinks. 


Moon of Monokura

February 20, 2013 § Leave a comment

Listening to the ‘Moon of Monokura’ in my head. There are some days when you don’t feel like writing, don’t feel like listening, don’t feel like talking; don’t feel like doing anything that makes sense to anyone. But the Moon of Monokura plays because I’m tied up in the suburban landscape when I listen to it; and I remember the problems that use to swarm me in the past.

But a troubled person isn’t troubled forever, as Silver Linings Playbook also relates. It’s a script and a storyline – a depiction I can relate to, because of the difficulty of any other way of relating it. No one who hasn’t ever had problems like that ever will understand the graveness (or gravity) of having to go through it. It’s a valley that seems cut out for you from the rock, and no one else understands, no matter how close they stand by. And I guess,what sticks out for me here is how Pat has a silver lining he looks to, no matter how terrible the reality was. It’s true that sometimes, you need to deny reality in order to see it in a way that is helpful to you – till you are strong enough to get back on your feet again, and claim your allotted stakes. Pat manages to do it because of his family’s support, and Tiffany ‘reading the signs’, and all that, and ultimately, they find a way of doing things that works for them.

That works for me, too. The silver lining is all you can see for yourself, and somehow, it’s like crutches to help you get back on your feet. 

Can’t say I don’t like that. 



February 7, 2013 § Leave a comment

Longing for some indie movies as I type this. Indie. That’s a word with a lot of meaning in it. Listening to the soundtrack of ‘Silver Linings Playbook’. Clearly a movie that changed my life.

I spent the afternoon watching Jerry Maguire. Very interesting character. I suppose it wouldn’t go too far to say that it was the makings of him that made up that film. Tom Cruise acted well. He tends to, for personalities with a little insecurity masked by dollops of public self-confidence. But I was happy for his character at the end. He found himself. 

Watching old movies, I get a sense of what it was like to live in the 90’s. People weren’t so afraid or insecure like they are now. They weren’t bombarded with the information age. They were simply people searching for themselves in a slow, leisurely manner. They were not hit by the pressures we are hit by, today. 

Often wondered what that would’ve felt like. 

Writing is a lot about perceiving. Making things real for yourself, understandable to yourself. People produce art for many reasons. The ultra-artistic ones tend to go for the more controversial themes and possibilities. Questioning has always been a great asset to humankind. But perhaps, it’s safe to say: there are things I don’t want to explore so graphically, so openly, and through someone else’s perspective of the outcome.

That said, art is always an interesting mixture of creativity and reality. It’s something we could all use a little of, in our daily lives. 

living in modern-day film

February 4, 2013 § Leave a comment

This noon, it was raining when I woke up. I had a strange sense that I had awoken someplace else; a place unlike the one I had known for the past year or so. There was music in my ears, but the surroundings were quiet. Sometimes, London comes back to me like an old familiar fireplace.


I spend a lot of time watching movies; and they’ve taught me many things. One of them is that you can never tell a story till it’s over. There’s never any ended stories. It’s like, people’s lives have a powerful impact on each other long after they’re dead and gone. And also, that movies only tell you a certain person’s story at the moment in time and place. They have to be limited to their context to make sense to the viewer. But life holds so many more angles; so many more dimensions and unseen possibilities.


Yesterday, I spent time observing the clubs ‘Neverland’ and ‘Butter Factory’ from the outside whilst two comrades surveyed the inside for business purposes. And then we spent time eating dinner at Piccadilly’s. Where a lot of people were also having their own fun, having dinner, and making the night wear on in a leisurely manner. The truth is, perspective is all that counts; I realised we were living our own ‘moments’ – the very drafts that will create and cement the history of our relationships with one another, which will then play a part in forming other people’s history. I’m sure our schoolteachers never taught us history with so much perspective. History teaches us not be shortsighted, which will make everything irrelevant except the things we already know. 


And then, I looked at the people around me – people who have been entirely formed and shaped by this culture – the Y2K culture in Malaysia, which has been pretty much boxed around itself. And I realised: that these are the people I love by association and by choice, and am going to have the privilege of spending ‘life’ with, in an awesome sense of the word. I realised that, sometimes, life makes us the people we are, but other times, we make those decisions along with life too. And the person I am, is not the person they make me, but the person I choose to be, in those circumstances that form my setting. And that if I love them, that does not entitle me to dictate their choices in life, but merely to be a part of their reasons for making them, or not.

I lost a bracelet yesterday, in the scheme of the rush of things. But against the bigger backdrop of life, it seems like that makes the memory of these times stronger, and more poignant.

Where Am I?

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