living in modern-day film

February 4, 2013 § Leave a comment

This noon, it was raining when I woke up. I had a strange sense that I had awoken someplace else; a place unlike the one I had known for the past year or so. There was music in my ears, but the surroundings were quiet. Sometimes, London comes back to me like an old familiar fireplace.


I spend a lot of time watching movies; and they’ve taught me many things. One of them is that you can never tell a story till it’s over. There’s never any ended stories. It’s like, people’s lives have a powerful impact on each other long after they’re dead and gone. And also, that movies only tell you a certain person’s story at the moment in time and place. They have to be limited to their context to make sense to the viewer. But life holds so many more angles; so many more dimensions and unseen possibilities.


Yesterday, I spent time observing the clubs ‘Neverland’ and ‘Butter Factory’ from the outside whilst two comrades surveyed the inside for business purposes. And then we spent time eating dinner at Piccadilly’s. Where a lot of people were also having their own fun, having dinner, and making the night wear on in a leisurely manner. The truth is, perspective is all that counts; I realised we were living our own ‘moments’ – the very drafts that will create and cement the history of our relationships with one another, which will then play a part in forming other people’s history. I’m sure our schoolteachers never taught us history with so much perspective. History teaches us not be shortsighted, which will make everything irrelevant except the things we already know. 


And then, I looked at the people around me – people who have been entirely formed and shaped by this culture – the Y2K culture in Malaysia, which has been pretty much boxed around itself. And I realised: that these are the people I love by association and by choice, and am going to have the privilege of spending ‘life’ with, in an awesome sense of the word. I realised that, sometimes, life makes us the people we are, but other times, we make those decisions along with life too. And the person I am, is not the person they make me, but the person I choose to be, in those circumstances that form my setting. And that if I love them, that does not entitle me to dictate their choices in life, but merely to be a part of their reasons for making them, or not.

I lost a bracelet yesterday, in the scheme of the rush of things. But against the bigger backdrop of life, it seems like that makes the memory of these times stronger, and more poignant.


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