February 20, 2013 § Leave a comment

I watched ‘The Words’ yesterday, which has Bradley Cooper and Jeremy Irons, and those ‘words’ spoke to me in a rather deep way. I suppose all of life does, because it is so real, so true and so undeniable. The story also spoke to me as a writer, because in spite of watching a lot of shows featuring a struggling writer, they are all different in mood, personality and demeanour, and it’s always helped me somewhat to see from their angles what really drives them to fight for this right to write, in spite of their often poor, or dry, economic circumstances. 


I suppose films are a way to make me think this beginning of the year, as I’m waiting for replies to come forth for my job applications.The days go by, and I analyse the films I watch not for the sake of sheer entertainment, but for art, and expression, and communication, and beauty – which is not always in the eye of the beholder. And then I think about what it’s saying to me, and I wonder if there is a part of me in a part of that which i can somehow relate to  – connect, in a way human beings only can through the powerful medium of the heart. 

But tonight, I feel like an indie film, and I’ve run out of things to fall back on. That’s when new terrains must be conquered, methinks. 



Moon of Monokura

February 20, 2013 § Leave a comment

Listening to the ‘Moon of Monokura’ in my head. There are some days when you don’t feel like writing, don’t feel like listening, don’t feel like talking; don’t feel like doing anything that makes sense to anyone. But the Moon of Monokura plays because I’m tied up in the suburban landscape when I listen to it; and I remember the problems that use to swarm me in the past.

But a troubled person isn’t troubled forever, as Silver Linings Playbook also relates. It’s a script and a storyline – a depiction I can relate to, because of the difficulty of any other way of relating it. No one who hasn’t ever had problems like that ever will understand the graveness (or gravity) of having to go through it. It’s a valley that seems cut out for you from the rock, and no one else understands, no matter how close they stand by. And I guess,what sticks out for me here is how Pat has a silver lining he looks to, no matter how terrible the reality was. It’s true that sometimes, you need to deny reality in order to see it in a way that is helpful to you – till you are strong enough to get back on your feet again, and claim your allotted stakes. Pat manages to do it because of his family’s support, and Tiffany ‘reading the signs’, and all that, and ultimately, they find a way of doing things that works for them.

That works for me, too. The silver lining is all you can see for yourself, and somehow, it’s like crutches to help you get back on your feet. 

Can’t say I don’t like that. 



February 7, 2013 § Leave a comment

Longing for some indie movies as I type this. Indie. That’s a word with a lot of meaning in it. Listening to the soundtrack of ‘Silver Linings Playbook’. Clearly a movie that changed my life.

I spent the afternoon watching Jerry Maguire. Very interesting character. I suppose it wouldn’t go too far to say that it was the makings of him that made up that film. Tom Cruise acted well. He tends to, for personalities with a little insecurity masked by dollops of public self-confidence. But I was happy for his character at the end. He found himself. 

Watching old movies, I get a sense of what it was like to live in the 90’s. People weren’t so afraid or insecure like they are now. They weren’t bombarded with the information age. They were simply people searching for themselves in a slow, leisurely manner. They were not hit by the pressures we are hit by, today. 

Often wondered what that would’ve felt like. 

Writing is a lot about perceiving. Making things real for yourself, understandable to yourself. People produce art for many reasons. The ultra-artistic ones tend to go for the more controversial themes and possibilities. Questioning has always been a great asset to humankind. But perhaps, it’s safe to say: there are things I don’t want to explore so graphically, so openly, and through someone else’s perspective of the outcome.

That said, art is always an interesting mixture of creativity and reality. It’s something we could all use a little of, in our daily lives. 

living in modern-day film

February 4, 2013 § Leave a comment

This noon, it was raining when I woke up. I had a strange sense that I had awoken someplace else; a place unlike the one I had known for the past year or so. There was music in my ears, but the surroundings were quiet. Sometimes, London comes back to me like an old familiar fireplace.


I spend a lot of time watching movies; and they’ve taught me many things. One of them is that you can never tell a story till it’s over. There’s never any ended stories. It’s like, people’s lives have a powerful impact on each other long after they’re dead and gone. And also, that movies only tell you a certain person’s story at the moment in time and place. They have to be limited to their context to make sense to the viewer. But life holds so many more angles; so many more dimensions and unseen possibilities.


Yesterday, I spent time observing the clubs ‘Neverland’ and ‘Butter Factory’ from the outside whilst two comrades surveyed the inside for business purposes. And then we spent time eating dinner at Piccadilly’s. Where a lot of people were also having their own fun, having dinner, and making the night wear on in a leisurely manner. The truth is, perspective is all that counts; I realised we were living our own ‘moments’ – the very drafts that will create and cement the history of our relationships with one another, which will then play a part in forming other people’s history. I’m sure our schoolteachers never taught us history with so much perspective. History teaches us not be shortsighted, which will make everything irrelevant except the things we already know. 


And then, I looked at the people around me – people who have been entirely formed and shaped by this culture – the Y2K culture in Malaysia, which has been pretty much boxed around itself. And I realised: that these are the people I love by association and by choice, and am going to have the privilege of spending ‘life’ with, in an awesome sense of the word. I realised that, sometimes, life makes us the people we are, but other times, we make those decisions along with life too. And the person I am, is not the person they make me, but the person I choose to be, in those circumstances that form my setting. And that if I love them, that does not entitle me to dictate their choices in life, but merely to be a part of their reasons for making them, or not.

I lost a bracelet yesterday, in the scheme of the rush of things. But against the bigger backdrop of life, it seems like that makes the memory of these times stronger, and more poignant.


January 30, 2013 § Leave a comment

Listening to the soundtrack of ‘Silver Linings Playbook’. Amazing story, amazing characters; honest emotions thrown up all over the place and everywhere. 

I’m wondering now, how it would feel like to do something I really liked, for a change. People have always expected me to be certain things. Be. How simple, how deceptively simple. The truth is, you can’t be someone you’re not, no matter how well you try.

There are days that have been rough. It’s days like these when I realise: Sod it, don’t let’s sweat the small stuff. You know, shake hands. The Bible says: To love one another from the heart. What does that mean? It means, to love your brother/sister truly, no pretensions; don’t let skin stuff mess with the heart stuff, and let’s be looking out for one another. The Bible also says: 

“Two are better than one,

because they have a good return for their work;

If one falls down, 

his friend can help him up!

But pity the man who falls

and who has no one to help him up!

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

But who can keep warm alone? 

Though one may be overpowered,

Two can defend themselves

A cord of three strands is not easily broken”. 

[Ecclesiastes 14:9-12, NIV]


I’m sitting here, and letting the music sink in my ears. The only films I truly like are the most genuine ones I’ve ever seen, heard and felt. I could almost touch the scenes. I believe real life is like that, too.

January 25, 2013 § Leave a comment

Bought myself some colourful rubber bands from Daiso, today. Was awaiting my computer’s repair. Today’s Pyramid was not so crowded – bearable. I walked slowly, so as to avoid straining my knee. And felt like it was liberation to be able to be amongst people, again. 

I don’t understand, anymore, how anyone can isolate themselves away from the world. I had to sit on the bench for a while to rest myself. But, if it weren’t for that, I wanted to play the game!

Life is really funny, sometimes. I’m thankful that God has allowed me to see both sides of the coin. At times, being a wallflower is painfully interesting – it is a unique perspective that can only be undertaken voluntarily, yet only once one finds oneself in an involuntary positioning. But there comes a time when the wallflower would rather be a real flower, shining; blooming under the beautiful morning sun. When it no longer feels the need to be confined to the wall. Who could deny it its glory, then? But clarity comes after the rain.


January 25, 2013 § Leave a comment

Sometimes, just seeing my blog makes me happy. It reflects the journey I’ve been through. The words echo the cries; or silences of my heart as time went on, within the civilisation of the written word. And it can be so hard to get feelings and strong sentiments to behave in a civilised manner. 


Sometimes, you’re left to do the journey alone because people just don’t care to.

Sometimes, they don’t feel they owe a responsibility to you.

Sometimes, they are too wrought up with their own cares and worries.

Sometimes, it’s because they don’t see what the big picture is.


But for every time that I’ve felt disappointment in a person doing that, I give thanks and praise to God who took up the responsibility from the start. And for His people, who did and continue to do His bidding, faithfully.

It is true that you don’t come into yourself before you have handled the responsibilities God entrusts to you. For what else are you here for?